Providing Support to Someone in Distress

Supporting someone in distress is not about trying to change reality—what has happened has happened. Instead, your role is to ensure that the affected person is not exposed to additional hardships and to help alleviate the effects of the crisis.

Someone in crisis may struggle with everyday tasks, such as paying bills or engaging in activities they usually enjoy. Your support can act as a buffer—you can be there to help them find strategies and ways to cope with the situation.

Supporting someone going through a crisis, grief, or emotional distress can be challenging. You may feel unsure about what to say, whether you are intruding, or how to act.

Your ability to help depends on your personality, knowledge, time, and level of engagement, as well as the situation and your relationship with the affected person.

-“When our son was undergoing cancer treatment, we were completely exhausted. All our energy was consumed by the treatments and the fear, worry, and hope that he would recover. We received incredible support from those around us. My mother stayed with us for periods, and my employer was patient and flexible. Sometimes I wanted to be at work, but for long stretches, it was impossible. A neighbor helped by driving our daughter to school. When our son passed away, our support system remained, and their help continued.”

Approaching Someone in Grief – The First Contact

Making the first contact with someone in grief can feel difficult for both parties. There is no single correct way to express condolences or show that you care.

What matters most is that you do it in a respectful way, as the grieving person is often highly sensitive to how they are treated. This can be done with words, but also through a look, a nod, or a tone of voice that acknowledges what has happened. The message to the grieving person should be: “I know you are going through a hard time, but I am still here for you.”

Meeting someone in grief or crisis can also trigger emotions in ourselves. Most people can relate to the pain of losing a loved one or experiencing distress, making it easier to empathize but also increasing emotional involvement.

Asking How You Can Help

It’s not always easy to know what kind of help someone needs, so often, the best approach is to ask.

However, if the person is overwhelmed, this question may be difficult for them to answer. In such cases, offering specific suggestions can be helpful: “I’m going for a walk—would you like to join me?” or “I see you’re struggling with your bills—would you like me to help you this afternoon?”

People in crisis may not have the energy to reach out to others, so as a supporter, you may need to accept this and continue to show your presence in a way that allows for a natural reconnection later. When someone is deeply distressed, they may struggle to ask for help, so it’s important for those around them to take the initiative.

Everyone has different strengths. Some people are good at discussing emotions and providing a comforting presence, while others excel at organizing activities or offering practical help. Be creative and find ways to contribute.

Seven Concrete Ways to Help Someone in Crisis

1. Be present and create a sense of security – even if the person doesn’t want to talk about their feelings, show that you are there both in the immediate crisis and over time. Reach out again, even if you were previously turned away.
2. Be patient – allow the person to express their thoughts repeatedly. Talking things through multiple times can help them process what has happened.
3. Offer practical help – assist with everyday tasks that may have become overwhelming.
4. Help them find the right support – this could include contacting healthcare providers or insurance companies to explore available assistance.
5. Respect their emotions and reactions – don’t take it personally if your friend cancels plans, withdraws, or has sudden mood changes.
6. Encourage physical activity – invite them for a walk or a workout session, adapting the activity to their current capacity.
7. Educate yourself – learn about common reactions and needs in times of crisis.

Taking Care of Yourself

Supporting someone in distress can be rewarding, but it can also be challenging and emotionally draining. You may experience unexpected feelings and struggle to manage them.

It’s important to prioritize your own well-being so you can continue to be a strong support system. You don’t have to carry the burden alone.

• Accept help and support from your own network.
• Learn about common stress and anxiety reactions, as being close to someone in distress can also affect your own mental health.
• Reach out to caregiver support organizations or healthcare providers for advice.
• Take breaks from your friend if needed. It’s crucial to take care of yourself so you can continue to be there for others.